Here are some of the attributes I would consider of key importance in the wife of a church planter in a housing scheme/council estate.

1. A planter’s wife must be hospitable. What exactly is hospitality? I don’t think it should mean anything less than, “meeting the needs of fellow brothers and sisters, putting them at ease, providing comfort, expressing love and kindness.” Of course, there is then the need to look after the ‘stranger and alien’ in our midst. In short, hospitality should be about the, “friendly reception and generous treatment of guests or strangers.”

The point is that by receiving strangers in our midst – either at ‘home’ or at a ‘corporate gathering’ – they soon become friends and extended family members. Although ‘hospitality’ as a word is not found in the OT, it is present as a practice. We see it, for instance in Genesis 18 & 19 with Abraham and Lot entertaining strangers. In the NT we are given a direct command in Romans 12:13 to “practice hospitality”. Hospitality, therefore, is about making people feel that they matter and it may take many forms. In Niddrie we eat together after our services on a weekly basis and many people from the community come in and are made to feel welcome. My wife isn’t responsible for feeding them all every time but she is heavily involved in ensuring that members of the community take it in turns to serve and prepare food. She will nearly always prepare too much food in our home in case the odd, unexpected visitor pitches up for the night or for some hot grub. We have seen several people come to Christ through this important are of service! Without my wife that would not have happened (at least not at that point – I must maintain my Calvinism). A hospitable wife is always flexible and not fazed by surprise guests and last-minute changes to programmes.

2. Closely connected to this, she must be a ‘helpmeet’ (Gen. 2:18) in every sense of the word. I could not do most of my ministry without my wife there to support and under gird what I am doing. The way she is a help and support to me in everything that I do (and vice versa) means that I am freed up to do a lot of ministry. My home is an oasis, even when it is full, because of the atmosphere generated by the attitude of my wife. Lots of word studies in this area focus on what the wife should “do” but I think we neglect how she should carry herself. My wife does not serve grudgingly, instead she serves the Lord, me, our children, our congregation, and all who visit our home, warmly and sacrificially. Trust me when I tell you that this is readily apparent to all, particularly the unbelievers who are often in and out of our home (some for extended periods).

2. She must be able to speak what is in accord with sound doctrine (Titus 2). A wife must be well familiar with the Word and if there is any doubt then she must seek counsel from her husband who must ensure that he instructs her and/or points her to the right material. This can be reciprocal, but the teaching in the church is not just a “man thing.” Housing schemes are full of women seduced by mediums, pagan spirituality, witchcraft and all sorts of strange ideas about religion. A planter’s wife must be able to give a reasoned answer for the hope within and must familiarise herself with basic apologetics. Whether she wants to or not, she is going to come under scrutiny and people are going to want answers.

3. She must not be given to slander/gossip (Titus 2). This is the curse of the female species, particularly in  ministry. Women want to gossip and know all the inside details about the pastor, the leadership and the woman they will pinpoint for this is usually the wife. An immature, ungodly and unhappy wife can be a source of much division in this area by what comes out of her mouth. She must be wise because if she is insecure she can easily be seduced by those seeking friendship with ulterior motives. Real discernment is needed in this area.

4. We read a lot about how men should not neglect their families in the pursuit of ministry (and rightly so) but I wonder if the pendulum has swung too far the other way? Young men today seemed obsessed with “me time” or “family time” or “my wife doesn’t want me to do that.” Ministry is brutal in the early years of planting and whilst we want to set good practices out immediately, we must beware of setting out bad practice too. God has called us to minister to the souls of the lost as we try to establish a church. Yes, our family is our primary mission field but too many young men use this as a sell out because of (1) laziness and (2) an inability to lead their homes well. Wives must understand that the early years, especially, are hard and demanding.

5. Connected to the above point a wife must be an encourager and not a nag. Almost every man I have let go over the last 10 years has been down to the fact that his wife is just not helpful to him in his ministry. She has seen it and the church as competition for her affections. Instead of the home being a place of love, warmth and relaxation it turns into a melting pot of bitterness, recrimination and arguments. The ministry here drains the man enough without the lifeblood being sucked from him when he has to go home to a battle every evening. If this is your experience before entering ministry then do not go near a housing scheme for it will only expose these flaws and worsen them. A planter’s wife must be a source of spiritual vitality in his life and not an extra drain on him.

6. She must have a sense of humour. This is an absolute must on housing schemes. Nobody likes a woman who looks like she’s been asked to down the contents of a jar of pickled eggs. Banter is a huge part of what it means to grow up on a scheme and humour is a massively valued and respected commodity. I think of it as the lost spiritual gift. You have to be able to laugh through the tough times.

7. She must love the church of Christ and seek to publicly and wholeheartedly  support your decisions and those of the leadership even if she does not agree with them. She must think before she blurts out her “opinion” on everything by exercising a spirit of self-control. Discussions on such matters (where appropriate) must be done in the privacy of the home and solved by prayer.

8. Above all of these things she must have a warm, genuine, growing and blossoming relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ. She must run to Him as her ultimate source of strength, patience, hope, love, hospitality and we men must constantly be leading her and pointing her back to the Saviour in all things.

The wives of church planters have massive responsibilities but also multiple opportunities in housing schemes. Their husbands open up doors that no other members can. They will be privy to (some) information that no other people can be. They will be involved in (some) sensitive pastoral scenarios. What a blessing that can be. All of these things are another opportunity to run to Jesus and cling to Him. Allow God to mould you, refine you, challenge you, encourage you and love you, firm in the knowledge that He who has begun that good work in us will see it through to completion.

Pray for my wife Miriam and pray for the wives of all church planters and pastors that you know.

For further consideration can I recommend the following:

Gloria Furman and her three-part series on issues related to this – here.

The Church Planting Spouse – here.

The whole issue of whether youth ministry has ‘failed’ as an experiment in Christian churches has been much debated recently. Here are an interesting set of articles from The Gospel Coalition website on some of the current debate around youth ministry. Also, there is another article here on the topic.

In Niddrie the issues are somewhat different given that we have only one new Christian, teenage girl at the moment. More teenagers are coming along to our services but, as yet, we have not seen any credible professions of faith. The rest of our work is, on the whole, evangelistic. We have no ‘crowd’ to attract a crowd, so to speak, and therefore this does present us with some difficulties. We do have lots of things going on but with no real fruit. Please pray for a breakthrough in this area over the next few years. We are currently building a solid foundation and hope to reap a harvest in God’s timing.

Again, please pray for us, particularly for a female youth worker, currently an urgent need. We have some potential people in the pipeline but as yet we have not found the right person.

For thus says the One who is high and lifted up, who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy:“I dwell in the high and holy place, and also with him who is of a contrite and lowly spirit,to revive the spirit of the lowly,  and to revive the heart of the contrite.” (Is. 57:15)

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Last week we were at a conference for gospel centred churches who are working in housing scheme/housing estate ministry. The conference was focused on the book of Titus and the main speakers did a great job at expounding it for the context of estate ministries. One of the things that struck me at the conference was Titus 1:1: “Paul, a servant of God and an apostle of Jesus Christ for the faith of God’s elect and the knowledge of the truth that leads to godliness.” Duncan Forbes spoke on this passage and made a great point that we are to explain the truths (or the doctrines) of the Bible to new believers (in fact all believers) because they lead to godliness. One of the doctrines that we need to know well is the doctrine of the Trinity and its application to believers. Here are a few things that I’ve learned about this important doctrine for our lives.

Firstly, the Trinity challenges us to be gracious people. Before the world began there was no, ‘you and me’. There was no world, no stars, no galaxies, absolutely nothing. There was simply God – Father, Son and Holy Spirit in perfect harmony, unity and love. There was perfect serenity and peace. Ed Sanders calls this the ‘Happy Land’ of the Trinity. God was happy and satisfied and needed nothing else because He was and is completely sufficient in and of Himself. And then God spoke and He created this universe and, eventually, you and me. He didn’t need to, and didn’t have to, but He did because everything is an overspill of His great love. All creation is an act of grace. Our lives are an act of absolute mercy. The world and all its fullness is not something that we deserve to have but its something that God created because of His great love. This is the very core of His character.

This grace is further shown in the fact that He then sends the eternal Son to die on the cross to buy back a people that He had originally created for his glory. The cross shows what has always been at the center of God’s character – grace. Everything we have, including our salvation, is undeserved. He doesn’t need to save us. But He chose to save us because He is gracious. This challenges me deep down. We live in a culture that is inherently self-centered. We give us little as we can away and keep as much as we can for ourselves. We are to reflect a God who is constantly giving to us by giving to those around us in time, energy, and finance.

Secondly, the Trinity challenges our individualistic society. Father, Son and Holy Spirit live in perfect harmony with one another. They are one and three, three and one. God is a community. And then God created humans to reflect this community. The Trinity says to itself in Genesis 1:26: “Let us make man in our image, in our likeness…” As one famous person said: “no man is an island.” We cannot live a full life without a network of relationships around us because we are wired to be in relationships. We are created with community in our DNA. In contrast, we live in a society that tries to push people away. We live highly privatised lives and try not to share too much with those around us. This has taken root in our churches. We see each other on a Sunday and a Wednesday and try to bypass people in between. And we wonder why nearly 1 in 4 people suffer with depression and isolation? In Acts 2:42 we see the model we are called to reflect as the Apostles met regularly with the people, preached, prayed and everyone shared everything with one another. The is something that challenges my way of life and the choices I make.

Thirdly, the Trinity challenges our selfish nature. The Godhead lives to serve one another and love one another. The Son is obedient to the Father and wants to bring Him glory. The Holy Spirit wants to point people towards Christ. They don’t live to serve themselves but each other. This is a challenge to a human race that looks after number one first. We sort ourselves out first and make sure we are all right but Father, Son and Holy Spirit are other centered. They are all co-eternal and co-equal. Think about this verse from the gospel of John (chapter 17) when Jesus prays to the Father: “Father, the time has come. Glorify your Son, that your Son may glorify you. For you granted him authority over all people that he might give eternal life to all those you have given him. Now this is eternal life: that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent. I have brought you glory on earth by completing the work you gave me to do. And now, Father, glorify me in your presence with the glory I had with you before the world began.” Now think about the conversations that we have everyday. We want respect. We want glory. We want adoration. We want to serve ourselves. But Jesus Christ came to earth and wanted to glorify His Father and carry out the work that He had been given before the world even began! God’s very nature challenges us to serve and to not look to our own interests first. God’s very nature challenges us to bring Him glory alone!

The Trinity is a complex subject but at the heart of understanding as much as we can, there are deep truths that we can use to apply to our lives. Let us continue to study God’s very nature not simply so that we can know God but so that we can reflect His character in our lives. He is a gracious God who calls us to be gracious people. He is a communal God who calls us to live in community. And He is a selfless God who challenges us to be selfless people. These doctrines can change churches and housing schemes and nations.

The results are here for all to see. Young men and women selling their bodies for sex, robbing their parents, grandparents and neighbours for a quick fix. Children as young as 5 used as drug mules, violent crime and intimidation part of the norm, muggings, suicide, chronic depression and a whole host of mental health issues, and – not the least – murder. To many the drugs war is lost and government policy should be about ‘containment’. Cannabis is, apparently, ‘medicinal’ now – an argument I have laughably heard used by every user I know on this scheme. Apparently, according to some ‘experts’, there is little or no evidence to suggest it is a ‘gateway’ drug (a way in to harder drugs) and yet, every single user I know, without exception, started off their drug habit by experimenting with Cannabis. So, I am not sure who is responsible for all the so-called statistics on this stuff – but let me tell you they have never spent more than 5 minutes in a housing scheme!

The government’s current formula for dealing with heroin addiction is to treat it with some form of a combination of Valium, Methadone, sleeping pills, anti-psychotics and anti-depressants. Let me be clear: Methadone is not medicinal. In my opinion both Methadone and Valium are far more addictive and have far-ranging long-term health problems than many so-called illicit drugs. So, why do people do it? Any number of reasons:

• Social pressure,
• Boredom,
• Curiosity,
• A desire for a new experience,
• A better sex life,
• To gain wisdom & intelligence (really!),
• To escape pain, worry, responsibility, tension, etc.
• Because they are hopelessly addicted
  

The scare tactics of yesteryear (‘Just say “NO!”‘) hold no sway over this generation. Drug taking in the early years can be hugely enjoyable (and we should stop pretending that it isn’t) and it can have some pleasant benefits, including:

1. The sensation of having great insight, intuition, & knowledge;
2. A monistic or pantheistic perception of the universe;
3. The experience of godhood by sensing that one is infinite, all-knowing, all-powerful, indestructible, and eternal;
4. The sense of being possessed, overpowered, or carried along by some force greater than oneself;
5. A heightened perception of sounds sights, and colours;
6. A heightened sensual experience of sex, touch, and taste;
7. A confusion of the senses in which one may see music and hear colours;
8. The ability to live in the present without any care or concern for the past or future;
9. The ability to be released from all responsibility and restraint and to do whatever one feels like doing;
10. A mystical or religious experience

The problems appear, over time, with long-term abuse and can lead to all sorts of issues, including:

1. The loss of the ability to rationally understand things;
2. The loss of contact with the normal world and sense perception;
3. The loss of any accurate perception of the size, shape, or colour of objects;
4. The inability to perceive differences between objects;
5. The loss of sense of self and its identity;
6. The loss of the awareness of time;
7. The loss of consciousness of the past and its importance;
8. The loss of consciousness of the future and its goals;
9. The inability to give sustained attention;
10. The inability to communicate intelligently.

The social consequences can be massively devastating, including:

1. The death of family and friends
2. Committing crime to pay for a habit
3. Stealing from family members and friends
4. The loss of children from the Social Services
5. A lack of parental responsibility
6. Sexually transmitted diseases
7. diseases through sharing needles
8. Being shunned by family, friends and neighbours

Of course, there are far more consequences than just these. As a rule, drug addicts are inveterate liars, manipulators and cheats. That is a fact almost without exception. Middle class Christians, particularly, hate it when I say that but then they are open to all sorts of abuse from some of the characters around here who will turn on the water works if it means they get a quick score. Churches and Christians are ‘soft targets’ for drug users. They quickly learn how to get with the ‘lingo‘, what to say and when to say it and many Christians, in their naive desperation to do ‘ministry’ often lap up all this stuff and get taken for a gigantic ride.

So ,what do we do with chronic drug addicts and liars? What does the Bible have to say on these matters? How do we deal with a guy who has been injecting for 15 years, has robbed every member of his family, is blacklisted by every shop in town and turns up on our doorstep in floods of tears?

Tune in for part 2.

2. Remember that your family is your primary mission field. They must take priority, particularly when the children are small. You must always be true to your word and your promises. Never let them down for ‘church business’ and let them know constantly that they are supremely important to you and your life. Be present at the dinner table and ensure that they are being guided and led spiritually. Create memories, have fun and take regular time off together.

3. Don’t get cocky when things are going well. It is so easy to think that things are dependent on us as leaders and we become self-sufficient. Take heed he who thinks he stands…many a Godly man has shipwrecked His faith and ministry because of pride.

4. Love people more than you love projects. God’s people are not a means to an end for establishing ‘your’ ministry. They are the sheep of His flock and we are charged with taking care of them for the Lord. Never reduce people to strategies and methods.

5. Don’t be afraid to repent when you get it wrong. Fess up when you make mistakes. People will respect you for it. Don’t be afraid to show weakness. We are not perfect and we are not islands. We need to keep short accounts and be transparent to our people.

6. Listen to Godly advice and wisdom from those who have walked the trail before you. Not everybody is trying to slow you down and kill your vision. They may have great words of wisdom to speak into your life that may help enlarge your vision, encourage your soul and give you fresh ideas and input. Seek out men like this for they will add longevity to your ministry.

7. Trust in God even when things don’t seem to be going to plan. God works best in our lives when things are messy. Don’t get disheartened and depressed too quickly.

8. Remember that your first love is the Lord Jesus Christ and if that starts to wane then it is time to take a break and a step back from the heat of ministry.

9. Don’t be tempted to water down the gospel in order to ‘win friends’. The early days can be lonely and a bit of a slog. But, be true to the Word and the message of eternal life – for that is what will ultimately save people.

10. Have a plan but be flexible, adaptable and open to changing it at the drop of a hat. Let the context dictate the method (not the message) and remember not to try to squeeze your ideas into a cultural mould that does not fit. This will save you a lot of time and heartache.

There are three pieces of advice offered on this topic here. Here are my personal suggestions: